


Constant Collapse

by Snow_Bunny_Winter



Category: ATEEZ (Band), TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Arguing, Both have secrets, Boys just loving each other and treating each other well, Boys wanting support, Choi Jongho Is Bad At Feelings, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Gray-Aromantic possibly, Growing Up, Hyungdeul are worried for Jongho, I love these two groups so this happened, Jealous Ateez, Jealous Hyung line, Jealous TXT, Jongho and Soobin don't make the best choices, Jongho needs a friend, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Personal Growth, Physical Abuse, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Kissing, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Psychological Trauma, Romantic Friendship, Soft Choi Jongho, Soft Choi Soobin, Soobin wants one as well, Trauma, Whipped Choi Jongho, Whipped Choi Soobin, Yeonjun and the dongsaengs are worried, boys being friends, boys struggling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21926371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snow_Bunny_Winter/pseuds/Snow_Bunny_Winter
Summary: Choi Jongho never told his hyungdeul what happened to him, it was something to be forgotten. Jongho assumed that the schedules and chaotic life of being an idol would brush it into the deep recesses of his mind. It didn't. He still remembered every detail from those horrible days. Jongho craved for someone to tell his secret to, for someone to understand him and his issues.Choi Soobin was stressed. He had big shoes to fill, he had fans who he couldn't disappoint. He was the leader of a well known and established group despite being here for only a short amount of time. He wanted to release stress and be free from his members and responsibilities some days. Someone who would understand the pressures and the secret he had been keeping inside him. A secret, not even his members knew.A collision leads to their friendship, but the world feels like it's collapsing for these two boys and can they help each other mend their hurt? Will they finally open up to their members on what they have been keeping inside? Or will they let these feelings eat at them until everything is shattered? Will outside forces tear them apart even more than they already are?
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Choi Soobin, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Comments: 22
Kudos: 99





	1. You don't know what's boiling inside of me...

Jongho felt his chest hammer as his breath shakily rushed in and out. He was surrounded by shadow people who seemed to ridicule every step he made and the route he took. The taunts seemed to slither in Jongho’s ears and find a permanent residence in his mind. He couldn’t escape, he didn’t know how. His breath picked up the closer and louder the shadows got and soon he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe, he coul- Jongho snapped up from his bed, his heart hammering and body sweating. He gasped in an attempt to add air to his lungs, but the panic didn’t seem to leave. He felt the tears well up and he steadied his breathing, slowing down his tempo. Even though his mind was racing, he found a steady rhythm to keep. 

Eventually, he was able to calm himself, but his throat was hoarse and he didn’t feel well. Jongho tried to get up from the bed, but his legs wobbled and he fell back down onto the mattress. He took a deep breath and looked over to see Mingi resting, still asleep. He sighed and wished he could cuddle with his Hyung, but he didn’t think he could handle touch at this moment. He stood up and walked out of the room, heading towards the kitchen. He needed water to fix the soreness of his throat. He poured a glass and gulped down the cool fluid. Jongho took a few moments to calm himself, breathing in and out.

“Jongho?” A voice called out, the younger turned and noticed it was Hongjoong. 

“Hyung, what are you doing up?” Jongho asked.

“I heard noises so I wanted to make sure everything was alright, why are you up?” 

“Oh…” Jongho wanted to tell him the reason, but he couldn’t… “I just couldn’t sleep, Hyung,” 

“Oh, do you want to come with me?”

“No, I’ll be fine,” Jongho stated, before walking past his Hyung and back into his room.

If he turned around, he would have caught the concerned glance that his Hyung was giving him. 

  


The next day, there was a music show and Jongho didn’t feel well at all. But, he couldn’t laze around, he was an idol and had a performance to deliver. He walked out of the waiting room and decided to clear his head. He strolled, trying to get himself pumped to get through this show spotlessly. Stuck in his thoughts, he didn’t realize he bumped into someone and they both fell to the ground. 

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” Jongho stated, looking up and realizing who it was. 

“It’s fine, I wasn’t either,” Soobin said, standing up.

The bunny-like boy raised his hand out and Jongho took it, forcing a smile. Soobin pulled him up and Jongho almost had bumped into his chest. Jongho stepped back and bowed, apologizing again. 

“It’s fine, I wasn’t looking either,” Soobin repeated, “Sorry for bumping into you, too,” 

There was a small pause until Soobin spoke again. “You’re a part of Ateez, right? My hyung Yeonjun talks about your group sometimes, I think he’s friends with Wooyoung?”

“Yeah, they are,” Jongho affirmed. “I think we’re also born the same year, we could be friends too?” 

“You were born in 2000 too?” Jongho nodded, “Well I guess we are friends, then,” 

“Yeah… I guess we are,” Jongho and Soobin made lingering eye contact with one another until a voice broke their focus.

“Jongho!” Wooyoung called, “Come on! It’s almost time for our performance!”

“I’ll be here, hyung!” Jongho shouted back before turning to Soobin once more, “Goodbye, maybe… we could talk later?”

“Yeah, I would like that,” Soobin said with a cute smile, making Jongho smile genuinely. 

Jongho jogged back over in the direction of his group’s waiting room, Wooyoung smiled at him as they entered. The rest of the members were ready, fixing their clothes and hair to perfection. Jongho checked himself in the mirror as well. 

  


“Why were you talking to Soobin?” Wooyoung asked, making all eyes land on the youngest.

“Oh…” Well, this was awkward. “We just bumped into each other hyung, and we decided to talk since we’re the same age,” Jongho explained. Wooyoung nodded at the explanation and it was left at that. 

“Are you-” Seonghwa started to ask, but he was interrupted. 

“Come on! You have to head to the stage now!” A staff member called and Ateez hurried to the location. 

“What were you saying?” Jongho asked, but Seonghwa shook his head. 

  


The performance went well, and Jongho sighed in relief. He wanted to sit in the waiting room until they left and relax, allowing him to have a break. He was the first to enter, and as he moved to sit, he noticed a sandwich that wasn’t there before. He looked at the sticky note, assuming it belonged to a staff member who left it when he realized it had his name on it. Jongho was floored and carefully pulled the note off to read it. 

Hey Jongho, I wanted to talk to you more, but we didn’t have the chance! Here’s my kakao!

Jongho's mouth hung open, but his heart leaped with joy. A friend! He had or was going to have a friend! He read the note a second time, hoping this wasn’t just a dream. Soobin wanted to talk to him again. Jongho hoped that he wouldn’t ruin it. Jongho’s bubble burst when he felt a presence behind him, and he shoved the note in his pocket before spinning around. Yeosang raised a brow and Jongho gave him a tight smile.

“What’s that?”

“Nothing,” Jongho said, “Look, we’re leaving now!”

  


Jongho grabbed his things and filed with the others to head into the van. He sat in the back and grabbed the note out of his pocket. San was busy talking to Wooyoung so he was safe to pull out the note. He rereading the kakao username, a smile on his lips. He took out his phone and typed in the contact, requesting to be added as a friend and messaging a simple, “Hello, it’s me Jongho,”. His heart thumped with happiness and excitement. He hoped they could get close. San gazed at the younger, confused. He saw how the younger smiled at his phone, maybe it was a girl? If it was, he hoped Jongho was careful or he could risk everything for himself. San would have to talk to him about it later. The youngest had been so closed off and it felt like they couldn’t understand him. San sighed internally, focusing back on the conversation with Wooyoung. 

They just wanted their maknae to be okay.


	2. From Rose To Lapis Colored Glasses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jongho was having a good time, but things go sour.

Jongho didn’t know how to feel when Soobin messaged back. He was nervous, excited, and downright floored. Soobin had responded with a simple, “Hey, I’m glad you messaged me!” and Jongho was still having a heart attack. It took him an hour to ease in and for his nerves to calm. He started responding more naturally and he noticed that Soobin was as well. 

Their messages became less calculated and more informal over time. Every day it seemed like they would grow closer. Jongho remembered how his heart thumped the first time when Soobin called him cute. It led to a thirty-minute argument on who was cuter. That conversation broke the boundaries of their friendship, and things changed over a few months.

They texted daily and Jongho could call Soobin a close friend. Soobin and Jongho had inside jokes, talked about their problems, and lifted each other. Jongho couldn’t have predicted such a bond and he was glad they had it. Jongho felt so whipped and affectionate for Soobin. He hoped the other felt the same way towards him. 

However, he still hadn’t told the other his secret though.

  


Jonghohoho  
Soobin, I will not come over to smash a melon for you!

SooBunny  
Please  
I’ll pay you

Jonghohoho  
Why?! It’s gonna be such a mess

SooBunny  
I want to see your strength before my eyes  
Plus…  
I wanna hang out with you in person  
We haven’t done that yet

  


Jongho stared at the message and sighed. It was hard as an idol to hang out with friends, but Jongho was willing to find a way if it was Soobin. 

Jonghohoho  
I know… I wanna meet you too… 

SooBunny  
My Jongho wants to meet me?  
I’m so happy!

Jonghohoho  
Ew  
Don’t be so weird…

SooBunny  
But I wanna give you cheek kisses!

Jonghohoho  
Hm...  
I guess I want them...

SooBunny  
Really?  
Come here!

Jonghohoho  
I can’t  
I have to go back to practicing

SooBunny  
:(  
Hopefully, we’ll see each other at a music show

Jonghohoho  
I hope so too…  
Oh, I gotta go, my hyungdeul are calling me

SooBunny  
Okay, bye

  


“Jongho!” Hongjoong called again, Jongho hurried up and stood in his position. 

The music cued and soon Jongho was immersed in practice. Jongho moved to the beat, contorting his body as required of him. 

There was one issue though… 

There was this one move that he kept missing the counts for. It was hard and while his hyungdeul seemed to succeed with ease, he failed. He sighed, attempting to ignore the glares of the choreographer helping them out today. Being an idol hurt one’s self-esteem, especially when it was the staff and helpers treating you poorly. Jongho’s mood fell as time progressed, and he ignored the looks he got from his members. 

Soon, the practice was over and Jongho slumped against a wall. He was exhausted, but he almost had that one move down. Instead of going home, he stayed and hoped that wouldn't have to be there so late. He smiled at his hyungdeul as they left, reassuring them he would be fine. Jongho knew that they didn’t want to leave him alone, but they were exhausted. All their choreography was strenuous. 

When the door of the room fell closed, Jongho sat on the floor and grabbed a bottle of water. Jongho flinched when his phone sounded and checked it. He had a message from Hongjoong telling him to be home before midnight and a message from Soobin. Jongho responded to Hongjoong with a “Yes, Hyung,” before messaging Soobin back.

  


SooBunny  
How was practice?

Jonghohoho  
Hard, I can’t get this one move down so I'm staying longer  
I tried hard but it’s difficult

SooBunny  
Well…  
Don’t worry you’ll get it right eventually.  
When’s the comeback?

Jonghohoho  
In a few weeks…  
I just don't want to be a bother for my hyungdeul.  
They work hard.

SooBunny  
You do too, don’t forget that and I doubt you’re a bother  
Your hyungdeul love you so much

Jonghohoho  
I know…

SooBunny  
Can I call you?

  


That was new… but Jongho didn’t mind it.

  


Jonghohoho  
Sure, okay

  


Jongho waited till the phone rang and then he picked up. He was greeted by the sound of Soobin’s voice. Hearing Soobin’s voice was odd, as he didn’t have many opportunities to hear it as they were too busy to call. It was nice to talk as messaging took longer, and messages wouldn’t send at times. He also never realized how nice the other’s voice was. Soobin talked about his schedules and practice and Jongho did the same, they both laughed as they recounted funny details from their long day. It was nice...

“So Taehyun said-” Soobin spoke, but he was interrupted by the door opening.

  


“Jongho, I thought you were supposed to be practicing? Who are you talking to?” A voice asked and Jongho looked up, realizing it was the choreographer. 

“Oh… I was taking a break Yuseok, I’ll get to back to it now…” Jongho said, voice exposing his uncomfortableness. 

“You better with how bad your dancing was,” Jongho flinched and Soobin was dead silent on the phone. 

“I-” Jongho was speechless, staff could be rude, but he had never been insulted so blatantly before. He didn’t like the way the older man was looking at him either. 

“Practice now,” Jongho nodded, hanging up despite Soobin’s protests.

  


Jongho went through the choreography again under the scrutiny of Yuseok. Yuseok looked at him in a way that Jongho couldn’t discern from the reflection of the mirror. It unsettled him to his core. The song came to its end and the man sighed, making Jongho nervous.

“Again,” Yuseok ordered and played the music again. 

Jongho didn’t disobey, he had to respectful to staff as Hongjoong had said. He danced again and again until he slumped down to the ground and panted. 

“Good boy, you must have wanted to impress me,” Yuseok moved closer and fear shivered down Jongho’s spine.

“I should go,” Jongho rushed to his feet and grabbed his bag and phone. He rushed past the older male and out the door. Jongho felt the lingering eyes on his back.

  


The choreographer said something. He was sure of it. However, He didn't pay attention to what Yuseok said, rushing to hurry out and head out of the entertainment building. He took out his phone and saw an array of messages from Soobin who was freaking out. He called him.

“Jongho? Are you okay?” Soobin sounded like he was on the brink of crying. 

“Soobin…” Jongho started, “Nothing happened, but I’m scared of him. I didn't like the way he looked at me, it felt disgusting,” 

“Jongho... “ Soobin was in shock, “You need to tell your hyungdeul!” Soobin said and Jongho felt conflicted. 

“I don't know how to, maybe after the comeback? They’re all too stressed right now to deal with this!” Jongho’s voice quivered with the fear and shock within him. Tears slipped from his eyes as he felt helpless. 

“Jongho, please, tell them!” Soobin begged, “You don’t know what he’s planning to do, he’s a danger to you and your hyungdeul!” 

“I know!” Jongho stopped walking, “I know but I’m scared! What if he lies and tells them I was disrespectful? What if they get disappointed in me? What if they don’t believe me? Nothing happened, he didn't touch me or beat me at all! I'm probably being overdramatic right now,” He sobbed, wiping his tears with the back of his hand.

“Jongho, where are you?” Soobin asked. 

Jongho could hear the movement in the background of the call.

“Why?” He whispered, voice weak from how he ranted. 

“I’m coming right now, nothing will stop me,” Soobin said, Jongho stumbled as he tried to tell the other "no", but Soobin was stubborn. “No, find a landmark! Send me the address and I’ll come right now!” 

“Soobin, it’s not a big deal. The only thing he di-”

“If it wasn’t a big deal, why are you crying?” Soobin said and Jongho stayed silent. “Jongho please,”

Jongho caved in, “There’s a twenty-four-hour convenience store nearby, I’ll send you the address and I’ll be inside okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Soobin said, “I didn’t want to meet you like this,”

“Me neither,” Jongho said, barely audible. 

He hung up.

  


Jongho entered the convenience store and sat at the eating area, listening to the humming of the microwave of someone else’s food. He texted Soobin the address and waited.

  


He was nervous. 

He didn’t want it to be like this.

He didn’t want them to meet this way...

But it was now.


	3. Convenience Store Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running rampant in the night, two boys break boundaries with each other.

The faint sound of humming microwaves filled his ears. Jongho waited at the eating area, bouncing his right leg. He was a bundle of nerves. He was nervous to see Soobin outside of a music show, outside in general. Especially with the reason he was coming over. Every time the bell rang when someone entered the store, Jongho snapped his eyes over. Yet every time it wasn't Soobin…

Not yet anyway...

The bell rang again and Jongho looked again to see who entered the store. His eyes focused on a boy wearing a snapback and mask, and he gulped. The masked boy looked in his direction and Jongho could recognize his eyes ever so slightly. The boy made his way over to him and Jongho spoke. 

“Soobin?” He asked and the tall boy nodded, sitting beside him at the eating area.

They stayed silent for a few minutes, Jongo mainly looking out the window in front of them. The silence said so much despite words not being spoken. It was full of disappointment for meeting like this. It was full of anger at the man trying to take advantage of Jongho. It was full of worry about the possibilities of what the man might do in the future and what they could do to stop it. There was so much emotion in their silence.

  


It was a conversation they needed to have, so Soobin spoke first and Jongho listened. 

“Jongho? Are you okay?” Soobin asked and he shrugged.

“I don't know, I guess…” Jongo responded but the look Soobin gave him made him look away and continue. “I’m not,”

“Look, I…” Soobin sighed and adjusted his hat, “What happened after you hung up?” 

“He made me practice nonstop, which wasn't too bad, but... he looked at me in a way that made me uncomfortable,” Jongho explained, “It had a disgusting feeling about it..”

“Disgusting?” Soobin’s eyes filled with more worry from what Jongho could make out. “Did he try anything else?” 

“No, he just… called me a good boy… and tried to get close to me,” Jongho said, “I… maybe I’m being dra-”

  


“Jongho!” Soobin interrupted, “It isn't being dramatic, it clearly bothers you and that's okay! You're allowed to be uncomfortable. You're allowed not to like something someone does to you!” 

Soobin looked into Jongho’s eyes with intensity, making Jongho want to shrink away. Yet, he couldn't move his eyes away this time. He was tired, upset, but with Soobin here, he was even excited regardless. The taller boy grabbed Jongho’s hand tightly and tension filled the air ever so slightly. 

“Do you wanna go to the park nearby?” Soobin blurted and Jongho nodded without hesitation.

  


They hurried out the convenience store with hands interlocked together. Soobin pulled Jongho with him to an empty park with a small playground in it. There was a playhouse with two slides connected and a set of swings nearby. The playground area had a sand floor in contrast to the grass of the park. There were also a few benches sprinkled nearby to sit at. The park was a large open area with a lot of grass around despite that, the playground was simply a small part of it.

“Do you want to sit down at a bench first?” Soobin asked and Jongho nodded.

Soobin tugged Jongho in the direction of the benches and Jongho felt thoughts swirl in his head. What now? Would they just talk? What if they were awkward or didn't get along in person? What if-

“I can hear you think, y’know? Just sit with me and relax, you need it,” Soobin said and Jongho swore he could hear the smile in the other’s voice. 

So he followed the other’s instructions and they sat beside each other on a bench. It was a comfortable silence for a little, acknowledging each other with the tight grip of their hands. Soobin rubbed his thumb on the back of Jongho’s hand and the shorter boy felt warm. He looked up at the other to see Soobin gazing at him from the side, making him grow warmer. Soobin pulled his mask down and smiled at the other and Jongho felt himself smile back.

  


“Soobin…” Jongho trailed, “Thank you for coming,” 

“I’d do it any time,” Soobin stated and Jongho felt like a fire was lit inside him. 

The silence grew again with tension by its side and Jongho accepted it. They looked at each other with many feelings in their eyes. Soobin scooted closer to the other and Jongho did the same, pressing their sides together for warmth on this cool night. Soobin smiled, squeezing Jongho’s hand and the shorter boy felt his stomach do flips. 

Jongho never realized how much he wanted to be near Soobin. He wanted this closeness and unspoken agreements between each other. He wanted to hold his hand and sit side by side, he wanted to spend time with the other and he was glad it was happening now. He did wish it was under different circumstances though. 

Then, they grew comfortable and Jongho started talking. Soon they started joking, then teasing each other, until finally, they ran around the park. The wind caressed Jongho's face and hair as joy filled his heart. He felt happy here with Soobin. The stress of being an idol lifted from his back when he was around him. Having a same-age friend was amazing.

  


Jongho chased Soobin to the playground, then they hopped on the swings, having a little competition to see who could go higher. 

The air was cool and the only noise was the buzzing of bugs hidden in the grass. Jongho looked up at the sky and noticed the bright stars that still lingered. He turned to look at Soobin who was also swinging contently, looking at the stars as well. Jongho looked away and swung higher and higher, trying to get closer to the night sky and further from the harsh world. He focused on the brightest star he saw, wishing he could see it closely. 

Then, his grip slipped and he fell forward and off the swing at a high point. He felt the world slow as he fell. He could see the ground approaching and he closed his eyes and braced for impact, and it came. Jongho groaned and he could hear Soobin call his name. Suddenly, he was turned over and Soobin's worried face came into view. Jongho forced a smile but Soobin shook his head, touching Jongho’s cheek.

  


“You should have been more careful,” Soobin said and Jongho nodded,

“Sorry, I lost my grip,” Jongho said.

Soobin sighed and laid beside Jongho on the sandy floor. Jongho moved his head to face towards Soobin and stared at the other boy who was looking up at the sky. Jongho flinched when Soobin looked back at him with a somber expression.

“You know, you really worried me,” Soobin said and Jongho reached over to grab his hand. 

“I know, I’m sorry,” Soobin grabbed Jongho’s hand tightly, rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb. 

“You okay?” 

“Yeah, a little sore but the sand helped cushion my fall,” Jongho said

“That's why they have sand, it’s for idiots like you,” Soobin said with a smile and Jongho pouted.

“Hey! Don’t mess with me, I’ll break you like a watermelon,”

“I’d like to see you try, Jongho,”

  


Jongho tried to roll over to attack Soobin but the taller boy was faster and he pinned Jongho down before he could. Jongho was about to say something but his breath got caught in his throat. Jongho knew he was strong enough to push the other off of him but he didn't want to. Soobin was also still, staring into Jongho’s eyes with emotion the other couldn't understand. 

“Jongho, do you still want those cheek kisses?” 

Jongho’s heart sped up as if he had run a marathon and all he could do was stare at Soobin in awe. He slowly nodded and Soobin’s worried expression lightened before he moved down to kiss Jongho. The boy closed his eyes but they shot open when Soobin’s soft lips met his cheek, making Jongho grow warm. When Soobin pulled away, Jongho could see his flushed cheeks.

“You said kisses, not kiss,” Jongho blurted and Soobin’s eyes widened, making Jongho retract his statement. “Only if you want to though,”

“Yeah, I want to,”

  


Soobin kissed Jongho’s other cheek and soon he kept kissing the other’s face, avoiding his lips at all cost. Jongho often hated affection, but he basked in the attention Soobin gave him. He didn't mind if it was from Soobin, not at all. He didn't know why. Soobin pulled away again and stared at his lips and Jongho looked at Soobin’s.

“Hey, Jongho?” 

“Yeah?”

“If I kissed your lips, would that be going too far?”

“No,” Jongho said.

  


Soobin moved down to kiss his lips when a phone rang, making them both sit up. Jongho rushed to his backpack by the swings and took out his phone. It was Hongjoong, Jongho checked the time and cursed. It was almost 1 in the morning. He gulped and answered. 

“Jongo! Where are you!” Hongjoong asked, “You're not at the practice room!”

“Sorry hyung, I went to the convenience store, I’m coming back to the dorms now,” 

“At one in the morning?” Hongjoong asked, “Fine, just get home!” 

“Okay, I’ll be there,” Jongho said and hung up, tossing his backpack on in a rush. 

“Soobin, I have to go, I'm sorry,” Jongho said.

“It’s fine, I need to go back too,”

  


Soobin smiled at Jongho and hugged him, wrapping his arms tightly around him. Jongho leaned into the hug and warmth and they stayed like that for a few minutes. Jongho pulled away and smiled up at Soobin. 

“I’ll text you when I get home, let me know too okay?” Jongho said and Soobin nodded.

“I’m glad I saw you, my Jongho,” Soobin said and Jongho blushed. “Please tell your hyungdeul what happened, try to,” 

“I… I don't know Soobin,”

“Please, for me?” Soobin grabbed Jongho’s hand and the shorter boy nodded. 

“Okay, I will,”

  


Jongho moved to leave but Soobin grabbed his arm and pulled him close, kissing him. Jongho’s eyes widened but then closed halfway. When Soobin pulled back he had a shy smile and flushed cheeks. 

“Almost forgot to do that,” Soobin said, and Jongho stuttered out a goodbye before starting to walk home. 

If he looked back he would see Soobin's cheeks grow redder and the way he wrung his hands. If he had talked to him more, he would have heard Soobin's stutter slip out. If he had waited long enough, he would have overheard Soobin's nervous ramblings over kissing him. But he didn't. He had left without seeing that Soobin was just as much as a wreck as he was. 

Jongho touched his lips as he walked to the dorms. Soobin’s lips were as soft and plush as they looked. He didn't expect him to do it, especially after the moment was ruined, but he did. Jongho knew he didn't like the boy romantically, not yet at least. He loved the affection he got from him though. He never liked men, hell he didn't feel anything around girls either. He felt something for Soobin though, he didn't know what it was. Affection? Feelings? He had no clue.

He sighed, craving another kiss from his bunny. His bunny? Jongho blushed at the thought. Whatever these feelings and thoughts were, he would have to figure out later. He walked into the dorm and noticed the light was on. Even worse, Hongjoong was on the couch staring at him. 

“Hey, hyung,” Jongho said, he could feel the nervousness fill his body. 

“Jongho, we’ll talk later, go to bed, we have practice tomorrow,” 

Should he tell him?

  


“Th-”

“Jongho, not now, go,” Jongho could feel the disappointment and anger from his hyung and sighed, nodding and heading into his shared room with Mingi. 

He sat on his bed, dropping his backpack on the floor. He put his phone to charge and laid on his bed, not bothering to change into pajamas. He sighed and noticed his phone notification sound off, but he felt his eyelids grow heavy. He couldn't check his phone and opted to sleep. 

He would check tomorrow.


	4. Liar, Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long hiatus, I haven't had much writing Inspiration. This chapter isn't too good but next one will have lots of drama so... look forward to that? I'll try to update so but school started so...

Jongho woke up to his alarm, groaning at the annoying sound. He sat up and turned off the alarm before checking his phone for any messages. His eyes shot open when he noticed some texts from Soobin, making him tap on the messages. 

SooBunny  
Hey Jongho  
I just got home  
It was okay what I did right?  
I didn't over step?  
I didn't want to make you uncomfortable if I did.  
You're probably sleeping  
Sorry

Jongho sighed before messaging him back.

Jonghohoho  
Yeah sorry I fell asleep  
You didn't make me uncomfortable  
I’m...  
I’m happy that you did it Soobin.  
It was nice.

Jongho felt his cheeks burn and stood up, getting ready to change into fresh clothes. He heard the notification sound go off but he ignored it so he could put on his shirt. When he finished changing, he grabbed his phone and backpack. He checked his phone. 

SooBunny  
Oh okay   
I’m glad  
I thought I messed everything up 

Jonghohoho  
You didn't   
I wanna ask you something though  
Do you like me like that?

SooBunny  
I don't know  
Never had feelings for someone  
I just know you make me happy  
And warm   
And I wanna give you affection  
But I don't know if that's romantic or just platonic  
I think it’s platonic for the most part

Jonghohoho  
I feel the same

SooBunny  
I’m so glad   
I thought I was being too mean when I sent that

Jonghohoho  
You weren’t   
Trust me  
I’m glad you feel the same way

Jongho put his phone on silent and slid in his pocket. He exited the room with his heart beating a little quicker than usual. He didn’t know where this would go with Soobin, but he was happy that they had come to an understanding about their feelings. 

Jongho recalled the feeling of the boy’s lips on his. They were so soft and plush on his own lips. It was like a cloud had landed on his lips. He ignored the eyes on him and went to grab a bottle of water, hoping his hyungdeul wouldn’t be mad at him. Jongho would have to explain himself. He gazed behind him and noticed only Hongjoong remained. He sat on the couch and starred in Jongho’s direction. 

“Jongho? Can we talk?” Hongjoong asked and Jongho gulped before walking over. 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you last night,” Hongjoong spoke and Jongho’s eyes widened. 

“No, I’m sorry hyung, I should have messaged you that I was going to the convenience store,”

“I know but I shouldn’t have panicked. Just tell me next time, okay?”

“I will, I promise,”

“Thank you, Jongho,” Hongjoong said, “Finish getting ready, we have to go practice,” 

“Wait! Hyung!” Jongho started to speak, Hongjoong looked at him curiously.

“Um… Never mind,” Jongho said, rushing past him to head into the bathroom. He locked the door and sat on top of the toilet, trying to figure out what to do. 

He could tell Hongjoong everything, but nothing happened. What was he supposed to say? But… Soobin told him it was okay to be uncomfortable. It was okay to not like something someone did. He should tell his hyungdeul… 

Jongho bit his lip and finished freshening up. When he exited the bathroom, the rest of his hyungdeul were in the living room. He smiled at them and they hurried to go to practice. He felt the dread build up as they entered the practice room but he continued to say nothing. The words were on the tip of his tongue, as if he could say them, but they wouldn't leave his mouth. Why? Why couldn't he say them?

“Hyung, Yuseok made me feel uncomfortable,” Was what he wished he could say. 

Why couldn't he say it? It was right there. He blinked away the burning feeling in his eyes. He tried to avoid falling apart as they waited for the choreographers and teachers to come. Would Yuseok be here? Would he try anything? Jongho tried to calm himself and stretched his limbs as they waited for instruction. 

“Jongho?” 

Jongho jumped and spun around. He saw Seonghwa look at him with a concerned look. 

“You seem tense, are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry hyung,”

“Jongho, you know you can talk to us, right?” Seonghwa asked and Jongho nodded. 

“I know… I’m just feeling under the weather,”

Seonghwa shot him with an unconvinced look but walked away to stretch regardless. 

Jongho sighed in relief but also felt guilt grow inside him. How could he lie to Seonghwa like that? How could he lie to all his hyungdeul? Jongho sighed and sat on the floor. What should he do?

He knew what he should do, but that didn't make it easier. 

“Ready to start?” A voice asked and he looked up, sighing in relief. It was their other dance teacher, Woohyun. Jongho stood up to his feet and soon practice began. 

He managed to do well, surprisingly. He had completed the move he struggled with before, earning praises from his hyungdeul. He felt his lips curve into a smile, letting his nerves calm down. Everything was going to be fine today…

Then… he walked in. 

“Hongjoong, can I talk to you?” Yuseok asked and Jongho felt his stomach drop in dread. What was he going to talk about with him? 

Jongho locked eyes with the male and shivered. The male’s eyes looked dark, angry, and perhaps even hungry as they scanned Jongho. The maknae gulped and turned away. He tried to ignore the feeling of Yuseok’s stares on his back and how they trailed lower.

“Okay, I’ll be right there,”

“No, no, no!” Jongho thought, his mind was screaming and his body was trembling. “What is going to say to Hongjoong, is he going to lie to him? He watched through the practice room mirror as Hongjoong exited the room. 

“Jongho?” A voice called, he knew it was San. “Are you okay? You’re shaking,”

“I’m fine, I just don’t feel too well,” Jongho lied. 

“Jongho, m-” San started but Woohyun cut him off. He made them continue practicing without Hongjoong.

When Hongjoong entered the room, it was clear what his eyes focused on. 

“Hyung?” Jongho blurted, “Is something wrong?”

“No, not at all, let’s keep practicing,” Hongjoong said, but Jongho knew there was something wrong…

He wasn't ready to find out what it was. 

Jongho sat against the wall during their break, texting Soobin. It took him a little time to respond, as he was recording some songs. 

Jonghohoho  
Soobin,  
Can you come out tonight too?

SooBunny  
Sorry I responded so late, I'm recording.  
I can try to.   
Why? Is something wrong?

Jonghohoho  
I think Yuseok said something to Hongjoong.   
I have a bad feeling about it, a really bad feeling.

SooBunny  
Oh no…  
Okay if you need me, text me, and we’ll meet up  
I promise

Jonghohoho  
Thanks Soobin

SooBunny  
Just try and tell him what happened,   
I heard what he said to you so I can be a witness  
if you need me to. 

Jonghohoho  
Thank you again… 

SooBunny  
I have to go record more but let’s meet at that park again.

Jonghohoho  
Okay

Jongho turned off his phone, placing it beside him. He moved his gaze up and noticed Yuseok looking at him again, along with Hongjoong. Jongho gulped and turned his face away from them. There was a storm brewing, Yuseok had said something to Hongjoong and his hyung believed him… 

What that was… 

Well, he would have to find out after they finished practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contact info:  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Larynx_Blues) (If you want to talk or see me tweet when I'm about to update/ other stuff)  
> [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/Larynx_Blues) (For questions about me or my stories!)  
> Kakao: Dabbingkk02 (Talking)  
> Line: dabbingkk02 (Talking again!)


	5. Run Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back! Me!

Jongho felt exhausted after the practice, seemingly endless. He hurried over to grab his bag, his nerves frying as his mind thought of the possibilities of what Yuseok had told Hongjoong. Jongho knew it couldn't have been good, not with the way the older had been glaring at him from across the room.

“Jongho, the group needs to have a talk when we get home,” Hongjoong said, “You need to be there,”

“Of course, hyung,” Jongho said calmly, but in his head he was screaming and terrified of what was to come. He knew it was going to be a disaster no matter what Yuseok had told them.

As Jongho approached the dorm with the others, the panic creeped in even quicker. His heart did somersaults as the door to the dorm grew closer and closer. He didn't know what this was about, and that fact scared him even more. He took out his phone to message Soobin, but stopped. 

Nothing had happened yet, he didn't want to bother him… 

He placed the phone back in his pocket as they opened the door, entering their home. Jongho took off his shoes at the door and when he stood up, he noticed Hongjoong looking at him again. 

“It’s time for the meeting,” Hongjoong said and the dread Jongho felt grew even more. 

The boys all sat in the living room, the tension could be sliced with a knife. Jongho looked around nervously, as did the others, while Hongjoong held a serious expression on his face.

“Jongho, do you have something to tell us?”

“I… I don’t?” Jongho said, his voice wobbling to show his unsureness. 

“Really? Because Yuseok told me something very interesting,” Hongjoong spat, making Jongho flinch. “Are you dating someone, Jongho?”

“Hyung, I’m not!” Jongho said and Hongjoong looked irritated. 

“Then why were you on the phone with a girl when Yuseok entered the room?”

Jongho felt the shock run through his body, there was no way that Soobin’s voice could be mistaken for a girl’s. Yuseok lied to get him in trouble…

“It wasn’t a girl, he’s lying! I was talking to Soobin!” 

“Soobin? Soobin is the reason you smile at your phone like you’re in love?” Hongjoong asked, “Don’t lie, tell me who she is!” 

“I’m telling the truth, hyung!” Jongho spoke, his voice wobbling as his mind ran a mile a minute. 

He didn't want to come out, to tell Hongjoong that Soobin was the cause of those smiles he saw. He didn’t want to tell him about the kisses they shared and that night where they met up because of Yuseok. He didn't want to tell him any of that, even though it would clear his name if he did.

He wasn’t ready…

“Jongho, be honest with us,” Seonghwa said, “You’re not dating anyone, right?”

Jongho shook his head, “I’m not!”

“Fine, I’ll believe that you’re not dating,” Hongjoong said, “But, that doesn't mean you should be rude to the staff!”

“Rude to staff?” Jongho echoed, eyes widening at the claim. 

“Yuseok told me he asked who was on the phone and you snapped at him!” Hongjoong yelled, “What will the company think if they heard about you acting like that?”

“I wasn’t rude to him!” Jongho stood up from his seat on the couch. “He’s lying to you about everything!”

“He has been nothing but nice to all of us, I have a hard time believing he’s lying about everything like you say he is!”

“Well, he is! He lied about everything, hyung! He tried to…” Jongho paused, his fists clenching as he thought about what happened. 

The words didn't want to leave his lips, he wasn't ready to come out about this either. Soobin told him he wasn’t being dramatic, that Yuseok was being creepy, but nothing happened. What could he tell them happened? He had no bruises or marks, he had nothing but Soobin’s word and his. 

“Tried to what?” Yunho asked, Jongho bit his lip. 

“Tried to help you? Guide you? I want you to apologize to him tomorrow for being rude!” Hongjoong ordered and Jongho felt his resolve shatter. 

“I’m not going to apologize to him!” 

“Jongho, you’re going to! I don’t know you’ve been acting like this recently, but it needs to stop!”

“I’m not, he… he... “ Jongho couldn't say it, he wanted to say it, but he couldn't. 

“He what? I don't care what he did, you will apologize!” 

Jongho could feel his body shake and his mind run wild. 

He needed to get out of there. 

Jongho rushed to the door and slipped on his shoes. He heard the voices of his hyungdeul screaming for him to come back, but he didn't listen. He opened the door and tried to leave but a hand on his arm stopped him. He turned back to see Wooyoung with a pleading gaze. 

“Jongho, don’t leave, let’s talk about this,” 

Jongho stared at the older male for a moment but yanked his arm away. He stared back up at the others, seeing their shocked expressions. He looked back at Wooyoung and winced at the sight of the older’s hurt expression. Jongho didn't want to hurt them, but he couldn’t say the truth. He held so many secrets, secrets he never told them, and now he had two more. 

Two he would be forced to reveal in order to clear his name. 

He didn't want to though, he wanted to run. 

So… he did. 

Jongho rushed out the door, his feet pounded against the floor. As he ran, he didn't know what to feel. He was enraged, saddened, and even ashamed. The tears slid down his face and he could feel the phone in his pocket vibrating. He didn't dare to answer it, instead he rushed over to the park. 

He stopped running once he was there, putting his hands on his knees and gasping for air to fill his tired lungs. He felt numb, like those times when he went to school and was pushed against those bathroom stalls. Jongho fell to the floor on his knees and gripped his hair tightly. 

He messed up.

He messed up big time. 

Jongho grabbed his phone from his pocket and opened it to see dozens of calls and texts from his members. He ignored them and called Soobin. He grew anxious after a few rings, however he felt relieved when Soobin answered.

“Jongho? How did it go?”

“Horribly,” Jongho answered, “Can you please come to the park?”

“I’ll be right there,”

Jongho hung up the call and stood up from the ground. He wiped his face and walked to the playground, sitting on a swing when he reached the area. He sat there, staring at the sand while he waited for Soobin. He felt pathetic for being so reliant on him. Jongho didn't have anywhere to turn to though. He had friends, but his relationship with Soobin was different, very different. 

He heard footsteps and looked up to see Soobin rushing over to him. 

“Jongho? What happened?” Soobin asked, concern etched in his eyes as his mouth was covered by a mask. “Why are you crying?”

Jongho realized the tears were still streaming down his cheeks, he felt even more pathetic. He was supposed to be strong, someone reliable, and he couldn't even be that. He couldn't even fit into the mold he had made for himself anymore…

Soobin wiped the tears from his cheek with his thumb. Jongho leaned into the touch, needing gentleness after the tension with his group members. Soobin pulled him up from the swing and hugged him, simply holding him in his arms. 

“Jongho, are you going to go back?”

“No, I don't think I can right now,”

“Then… Do you want to come to my dorm?”

“What about your members?” Jongho asked. 

“Don't worry, I’ll text them that you’re coming over, alright?” Soobin said, “It should be fine,”

“I don't know... “

“It’s honestly okay, please come?”

“...Okay, I’ll… go,”

Soobin smiled and grasped Jongho’s hand, squeezing it lightly. The taller grabbed his phone from his pocket before texting his members about Jongho’s arrival. He tucked it back in his pocket and then turned to Jongho.

“Ready?”

Jongho nodded, Soobin smiled underneath his mask and bent down. He placed a masked kiss on Jongho’s cheek and led him in the direction of TXT’s dorm. As they walked together, their hands were linked together and their hearts were fluttering even in the harshness of their reality. Jongho looked up at Soobin’s face and spoke. 

“Soobin?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the new chapter! Lots of fluff next chapter y'all! I like to switch the emotions so much lol.

**Author's Note:**

> My AtinyMoa heart needed this. 
> 
> If you want to contact me or become friends:  
> Twitter: Snow_Bunny_Blue (I'll probably post updates or things about the story)  
> LINE ID: dabbingkk02  
> Kakaotalk ID: Dabbingkk02


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